Seattle Spew

Arwen

2024-03-26T00:00:00+00:00

May of 2008 was my last month after 9 years at Rincon High School; my first teaching job. As a farewell gift, my final AP Calc class decided to buy me a pet of my choosing. I thought this was a cute gesture, after I got over the idea of this possibly completely backfiring on all of us, so I agreed.

That weekend, two of my students, Ali Zenner and Nick Dominquez, hauled me over to the local Humane Society in hopes of finding the perfect cat to adopt. We sifted through the cat section, and although there were plenty of cute furry friends to choose from, none felt right for me. Even though we thought we were leaving empty handed, I wanted to at least visit the dog area just to see the cute little fellas yip for a bit.

We wander in the section and there were plenty of dogs of all sizes, ages, and breeds. I thought they were cute, but that was about where my thoughts stopped. But there was one area with brand new puppies; a litter of 13 Aussie shepherds all around 8 weeks old. Oh my dog, were they cute! When we looked into the cage 12 of these beautiful yappers flooded the front line and were just begging us for attention. However, one of the puppies did not.

The lone abstainer was in the back, just sitting there looking sad, or shy, or lazy, or any combo of those things. It was the only one of the litter that had had brown markings on her face, making her stand out just a little bit. I immediately looked right at her and thought: ‘shy, lazy, and unique…..that’s my kind of dog!’

We asked the Humane Society volunteer to let her out so we can play with her in their little play area they have in the back. She let the little dog out, carried her to their faux field, and plopped her down on the astroturf.

The dog didn’t move, didn’t bark, didn’t do anything. Nothing She just looked down completely unimpressed. I think wanted to fall asleep. I fell in love right there.

We signed the paperwork, bought a water dish, food dish, and purple collar and leash (for Rincon of course), got her spayed, and returned later that week to pick her out after the surgery. Since my class was the main catalyst for this adoption, I felt it was only fair that they got to name her. With some gentle coaxing from me, we went with a Lord of the Rings theme. The name was Arwen.

I’ll never forget the very first time Arwen came home with me. I carried her little body inside my house, plopped her on my floor, and we just looked at each other. We looked, looked and looked some more. We had absolutely nothing to say to each other. The only way we communicated was by the abject fear we both had in our eyes. That entire time, I was saying to myself ‘I have never owned a pet in my life. Now I have a puppy. What the hell am I going to do?!?!’. In her eyes she was saying ‘you took me from my litter, you ripped out my vagina, and I have no idea who you are. What the hell am I going to do?!?!’…………………………………..

Arwen is a bridge spanning the most important periods of my life. Our times together is like something that comes in threes….something that can be trisected……something like a…..trilogy.

The Fellowship of the Arwen:

For the first third of our lives together we were living in Tucson. She was with me during my last years of teaching and coaching, my years in career transition when I revisited grad school to learn how to do a t-test, and finally helped me decide to take my talents to the Pacific Northwest. At that time, Arwen was your typical cute-as-heck puppy dog; oodles of energy, wanted to play all the time, and just loved to be with people. We would play so many games together, from your typical rope tug-o-war and fetch to more complex games like doggie soccer; she scored when mouthing the ball and running around the couch and I scored when I kick between the mock goalposts (or stereo stands). Again, typical cute puppy stuff.

But there was something different about her….something like a subtle kindness not all dogs have. Like when playing fetch at my mom and dad’s house, she would return the ball to each one of us in turn, making sure everyone got a chance. At the dog park, she would be the first one there to greet every dog entering….then just a quickly ignore them and run back to the patio area where all the people were to be petted. And maybe the craziest act of all, the day before my move to Seattle, she got into all my granola bars, scattering them all around the freshly packed-up house. I was so mad but so tired, I just let her know my disappointment in a low voice and went to bed. That morning, I found 3 of the granola bars at the foot of my bed. I must have hallucinated that night and forgot those were there. But no!! I saw Arwen enter my room with another unopened granola bar and saw her lay it down at my feet. I could not believe this. She not only found the bars, she returned them as in an act of atonement. I always knew she was special, as all good dogs are, but this felt different. This felt next level.

The Two Arwens:

Moving to Seattle for a new life was my biggest decision of my life at that point. Any time moving with a dog makes that transition even more awkward. No more house, so had to find an apartment complex that allows dogs. You also want to find a place that has easy access to parks and walking areas. Also it would be nice to have some interior room to run around and play. Oh yeah, we have to drive up to Seattle in my little yellow Corvette; not exactly the most dog-friendly vehicle. But there was no choice, we packed up our things, and started on our 1600 mile, 5 day ‘Heart of Darkness’ odyssey from Tucson to Seattle. Arwen rode shotgun the entire time. Did not complain once.

After a few years living around downtown Seattle, I bought a condo in West Seattle because, well, Seattle sucks ass when it comes to rent hikes. Living in this area is where Arwen thrived. We were closer to nature, our walks were long a rewarding. And the floor area let us resume such classic games as doggie soccer, tug-o-rope, and even added some new games like ‘Kali Ma’ where I grab at her heart like in Temple of Doom and she fights me off, or the game ‘Creeping Terror’ where I get on all fours, snarl, creep at her, and quickly swipe at her as she runs around and fends me off.

This phase of her live she was coming into her own. She was more than that annoyingly adorable puppy. She was becoming more and more like a mature companion. At the dog parks, she made dog friends and well as people friends. The dog sitters I used when I travelled just loved having her over. And other than one time where she opened a fully sealed tub of protein powder on;y to discover it tasted disgusting (I still to this day have no idea how she did this), she was as behaved as you can be.

The Return of the Arwen:

For about 11 years we were trudging through life on our own. Sure, there were friends, dates, and neighbors that came and went, but when it came down to it, it was me and Arwen. That was until Nelley came into my life.

Nelley is the love of my life. But it took a little time before I was willing to introduce Arwen to Nelley; I am not one of those guys who uses their pets as an ‘in’ with women. But that first time Arwen met Nelley…..damn……did Arwen love Nelley.

Whether it was me bringing over Arwen to her place or she came to mine, Arwen was right by her side from day 1. Of course Nelley was smitten by Arwen as well, everyone is. But the bond they had grew rapidly. When I first moved in to Nelley’s place (around 2019), Arwen would sit next to Nelley as she worked at the kitchen counter, pretty much ignoring the fact I was in the bedroom working as well. I remember Nelley wanting to restrict Arwen from the bedroom at night due to her allergies. That lasted about 2 days. If I was Arwen’s life long partner, Nelley was her best friend.

In October 2020, we bought a home and got married. Finally, not only did Arwen have a permanent home; we officially didn’t have to navigate through life by ourselves.

This is the time of Arwen’s life that we enjoyed the most. Yes, we were no longer a solo act, but her kindness, charisma, and sass shined the brightest. When I would yell at the TV during a Hawks game, she would simply turn around and smirk at me. She would go downstairs and monitor Nelley all day at work, making sure she was not a ‘time thief’. At 9:30pm, she would go straight to the stairwell reminding us all that it was bedtime for all of us. And at 5:30am, she would always remind me that it was time to wake up and take her out. She never reminded Nelley at 5:30….such a jerk. All our friends that would come over just adored her. She would sit at their feet, asked to be petted, and just wander away when she was done. That’s how she earned the moniker ‘catdog’. 15+ years ago I thought I was getting a cat, thought I got a dog, yet turned out I adopted a catdog. Who would have known…………

Even as thorough as that trilogy seems, it still leaves out so many moments that matter:

She was the beside me when my St Louis Cardinals won Game 7 of the World Series in 2011. - We walked together and celebrated with everyone at the Space Needle right after Super Bowl XLVIII in 2014.
She survived a savage attack by a rogue dog who tried to kill her in 2019 as I was walking her, and exacted justice for this malfeasance via legal avenues.
She was next to me when I received the call that my dad passed; the day after my wedding.
And she has seen Lord of the Rings about 10 times with me.

She truly is the Forrest Gump of my life.

But those are just mere moments that exist in time oh so briefly, and moments are not the most vivid memories I hold with her.

It is the day to day ritual that resonate louder in my mind.

She would wake me up at 5:30am, 6:00am if I am lucky. Now she would never get that morning walk until 6:30, but she always wanted earlier. Such a jerk.
Because she was a tough taskmaster, I would make sure I was home between 3:30pm-5:00pm every day to give her the afternoon walk and meal.
Every time I would come home was excited to see me.. She could be in a deep sleep, gnawing on a toy, or snooping through my trash, did not matter. When I came home, she would run straight to me with her big smile. I would raise my arms, she would rear up, catch her paws, and we would do a little dance around the room. I would even spin her around every so often. After our happy dance, we would buckle up for the walk, return home, and she would ravage through her food in about 10 seconds.
At 9:00pm, she would remind me it was time for her late night pee and treat. Some days I would not be at home at 9, so she would wait patiently until I returned (never later than 11) and our night time soiree would commence.

This ritual occurred every day, at those exact times, for close to 16 years. Every….damn….day…..for 15+ years.

The amount of times I would forgo sleep to hit my 6:30am deadline. The amount of times I would sneak out of school or work early to get home to my jerk of a dog so she wouldn’t eat through my garbage. The amount of times I had to skip out early with friends and dates just so I could return to my charge as early as possible……..it is stupid. Some people did not understand why I would do these things for this one goofy animal, but those are the people that didn’t matter to us. When in town, I never once missed those times.

Yet there is even one more thing that is etched the deepest in my mind: her face.

Her puppy girl face…..

Her face when we played. Her face when she slept.

Her face when she ate.

Her face when was mad at me.

Her face when she looked at me when I came home.

It didn’t matter if she was 1 years old or when she was the Methuselah of dogs at 16, she had the exact same puppy girl face.

Oh that face……

………..On Thursday, I laid next to her tumor-ravaged body inside my house and we just looked at each other. We looked, looked and looked some more. We had so much to say to each other but I didn’t know where to start. I had abject fear in my eyes. I was saying to myself ‘I have loved you so much….so so so much. Every time you were in a bad situation I knew you would pull out of it. You are the strongest willed, bravest, and most important thing in my life the past 16 years. But I think this time is different. What the hell am I going to do?!?!’. But in her eyes there was no fear. There was no terror. And there was no uncertainty. She told me through her eyes ‘I love you too. So…so…so much. But I’m tired. Very tired. Please let go of me. It is time.’……………

One month prior, her tumor on her right leg grew so large that it burst out of the skin. Nelley and I treated this tumor twice a day in hopes to prevent an infection. Nelley was so brave; the tumor looked like absolute death and oozed with a venomous stench. She would brace herself twice a day; clean it, dry it, and wrap it while I held down and comforted Arwen. We moved a bed to the main floor to spare Arwen a trip up and down the stairs. Whenever she woke up in the middle of the night, I would jump up to make sure she would not have to hold her pee and poo. She never wanted to disappoint us. We would get about 3-4 hours of sleep a night during this time.

Three weeks prior, we decided that surgery was the only option we had to save her. After a series of diagnostics, it was determined her kidneys, heart, liver, and lungs were good to go for anesthesia and surgery.

Two weeks ago we got that surgery.

Arwen was not the same post-surgery. After the obligatory 48 hour recovery time from the anesthesia, we expected her to eat, pee, poo, and be her usual self. This was not the case. There was something off; her natural brio and lust for life was compromised. She didn’t want to eat like normal. We fed her boiled chicken; that lasted about two days. We fed her cheese; that lasted another day. Every so often we could sneak in some dog food and dog treats, but nothing of great substance. On Monday the vet said to take her off the aggressive antibiotics and try a topical cream for the wound.

She was getting worse.

The vet came to our home Wednesday for a check. I suspected there is something internally that is wrong. The vet agreed that it was a possibility, one where there may be no cure for a 16 year old 80 lb dog, but maybe if she starts eating again, her strength will return. After delivering an appetite stimulant, Arwen ate like the Arwen of old. Gobbling up every scrap of food in her dish, voraciously devouring every little vittle she could find. She even wanted more. And of course she more. It was glorious, the highlight of the month!

That was her last meal.

……………After my ‘talk’ with Arwen on Thursday, we made ‘the call’ and set up a time for Sunday morning. I was dreading the next two days. Arwen was looking sicker and sicker; she was breathing hard and barely could move her head. I said to Nelley I didn’t think she would make it through the night. I had to sleep next to her, no matter how uncomfortable, no matter how much Arwen hated to be cramped while sleeping, I had to be next to her just in case. I crouched down and looked at her face just in case this was the last time. Her eyes were bleak, her will was sapped, but her eyes said to me ‘Thank you…thank you for everything’.

We positioned the bed so I could lay my hand on her body to feel her breath. At 3:30am, I woke up suddenly and felt no more breathes.

Arwen died Friday around 3:00am. She was 16 years and one week old.

That Friday is both crystal clear and a blur. I remember every moment of that day and the events thereafter, and I’ll probably remember them the rest of my life. But I really don’t want to relive that here. The blur comes from the mix of sudden emotions; they were about as convoluted as I could imagine. There was grief, unbelievable sadness, panic, anger, and helplessness. But there was also joy, pride, love, and relief…..relief that she went out the way she wanted….not by some stupid injection administered by some stranger, but with her people….the people she loved most. She was just waiting for me to let go, and when she knew I was ready, she stopped hanging on for my sake and let herself go.

On her terms…………….

Arwen is the greatest dog who ever lived. I know I know…….to quote Kip Dynamite ‘Napoleon, like anyone can even know that’. But there is something I do know……

Have you ever met a special dog? I don’t mean just a fun dog, or just a cute dog, I mean a really special dog. The ones that really matter. I know many of you have. Some of you may have owned one, or currently own one. Arwen is one of those dogs. She was one of those special pets that…no exaggeration…..everyone loved. Everyone.

And she loved everyone in return.

I know I will meet other special dogs in my life. In fact I already know of some that my friends have, and if fills me with hope and warmth that there are so many others who understand and feel this love for a pet. We truly are lucky people. Hell, maybe Nelley and I will be fortunate enough to have one together some time in the future.

But the reality is there will never be another Arwen in my life. It is impossible to have another pet in my life that I can share so much with. Just her and me for over a decade. She was a true extension of me. I mean one third of my life was spent with her. I only realize now how much I actually thought of this damn dog. Of course I was cognizant of the blunt thoughts of ‘I have to feed her’ as well as the ‘I have to walk her’ reminders my brain would drum up on a daily basis. But there are these microthoughts that still pop up: ‘do I leave my socks on now because I have to take her out in an hour’, ‘what time is it because I have to get home soon’, ‘I better get to bed now because she needs out by 6:30’. These thoughts happen constantly throughout the day, and without provocation. They are just flashes, no longer than a half second. But they are constant. I am learning to quell them a bit, but they are just so embedded in me. All this time I thought I was training her, but she was training me. That bitch…….

It is amazing how the heart can feel so heavy and yet so hollow. I know in time Arwen’s spirit will lighten my heart and her memories will fill my heart once again: time has a magical way of healing us this way. But time operates at her own speed. I will just have to be patient.

I started writing this after using the weekend to process. Ok, that’s not exactly true. I have been writing this for years. It is just now I took proverbial pen to paper and hashed out this eulogy.

As you may have noticed, I mixed in past and present tense throughout this work. Some of that is because I am a sloppy writer. But some of this is because part of me feels she is gone and part of me feels she is still here with me………

Arwen, I miss you so much. So, so, so much. A part of me died when you left. And I’m scared. So scared. You were such a part of me; a part of me I loved so much and I am not sure how to fill that void. But I know in time, with the help of your best friend and others, I can regain that feeling of love, strength, and purpose you gave to me.

Thank you so much Arwen Evenstar Stevenson, you will always be my puppy girl.

-Phil

Arwen was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 26, 2024.

Out of Town: Tucson

2022-03-16T00:00:00+00:00

Yes, my friends, I was out of town once again. This time I will be visiting my mom and friends in Tucson to watch all the fun NCAA basketball stuff. It is a tradition for me.

So if I don’t write in the meanwhile, will definitely have plenty to say come Wednesday next week.

Adios!!

Out of Town: Tucson was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 16, 2022.

March Sadness

2022-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

Well, it is March my friends, and you know what that means……..

March Sadness.

Yes, this is the time when 64..err………68 NCAA basketball teams test their mettle against each other.

And out of those 68 teams, 67 will walk away with tears in their eyes and the feeling of failure in their heart.

I know, I know, this tournament is fun as heck and I’ll watch as much of it as I possibly can; the same way I did when the tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985. But there is no way of avoiding it; this is an unfair way of deciding who truly the best team in the land is.

You see, any tournament that distills their entire championship tournament to something as simple as 1-and-done while including many many teams that clearly did not merit any consideration for actually being the best team in the land increases the likelihood of some randomly bizarre results. Add into the mix a game fraught with bad refereeing (which can directly determine a game more than any other sport) a three-point line that makes each game even more hit-miss, and you have a highly random, very unpredictable product. Great for entertainment? Yes. Wonderful for the casual viewer? Absolutely. A logical way to decided who really is the best team? Not so much.

I like to think pretty much every University of Arizona would agree with this, if not at least offer a ton of sympathy for those teams that prove over 35ish games they are one of the best teams yet to only fall tragically unexpectedly.

We Arizona fans remember our three best teams: 1988, 1989, and 1998. All three of those teams were either the best team in the nation, or very close to being the best. And all three did not win the title with only one of those teams reaching the Final Four. Yes, UA even had some other Nation Championship-ish teams in 1993, 2001, and 2014. No titles on that group either; only 1 finals appearance with one of those seasons losing to a damn 15 seed.

Yes, in 1997 the Wildcats won the championship; a journey that every UA fan will never forget and cherish forever. But that championship team was a 4 seed and finished 5th in their own conference! That undeserved yet surprising title does not make up for the heartache and feeling of loss for all of those other better more deserving teams.

And now here we are with this year’s UA team; 28-3 and a 1 seed. This team is about as good as any team we have seen from Tucson since 1998; comparable to the 2001 and 2014 teams. How will they do? Let’s find out. This team is fun as hell and I loved watching them play every game (they won) this season.

But knowing the history of this tournament, let’s just say I am bracing myself.

March Sadness was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 15, 2022.

Arwen the Clock

2022-03-14T00:00:00+00:00

I swear my dog can tell time.

I know this sounds crazy because…well…she is a dog and dogs do not understand the rotations of the earth around the sun, much less ever owning a watch or anything.

But yet every day, around 6:30am, 3:00pm, and 9:30pm, she is running to me, expecting me to do something at those times, like walk her, feed her, or whatever.

And when I say every day, I literally mean every day. She has never once misread a situation and came late; in fact many times she comes early, not because she is mistaken but because she has this sense of entitlement that I have to take her outside whenever she wants to go.

Some may argue that this is no proof of time recognition or not really all that impressive. But let me ask you this: how many times do you lose track of time, or eat late, or arrival tardy to something? I bet it has happened to you once in the past month. On the other hand, Arwen the Dog has not missed one of her self-appointed times. And you have clocks, a watch, a cell phone (with alerts mind you), and the gift of knowing how to read numbers, that give you a distinct advantage in this time-telling contest. And despite this, you are surely losing to my dog.

Granted, I agree that Arwen the Dog does not have as many obligations as you do. In fact, her entire calendar is pretty much free every day because…well…she is a dog. This does free up her little dog brain to focus on the time. But still, this also frees up her brain to think of other things, like how to cure cancer, fight world hunger, and the squirrel she saw yesterday. And I don’t think Arwen is setting her mind on any of those things; cancer is still around, world hunger remains an issue, and that squirrel only enters her mind in a dream state now.

In other words, it is clear to me that Arwen the Dog can not on;y tell time, but sense it even better than you or I. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see this as some sort of sign of higher intelligence. I see this more as an irritant. I mean how would you like having to wake up every day….EVERY DAY…..at 6:30am to take this little brat outside, go around the block, then feed her? And you don’t? She just stares at you while you are in bed…..breathes on you….stares at you…breathes…like some sort of creeper. It gets to the point where you just take her outside just to stop this weird passive-aggressive behavior.

Yeah, Arwen the Dog is sort of a jerk.

I would write more, but she has just scurried up the stairs and is now looking at me. Must be time for her afternoon walk.

I guess I lost track of time.

Arwen the Clock was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 14, 2022.

Old Friends

2022-03-10T00:00:00+00:00

Recently I have re-discovered an old favorite TV show of mine.

Actually, let me rephrase it….I re-discovered an old favorite show of mine about 2 years ago, and I pretty much watch it on a loop when I am at work.

As you can see from the picture, it is a show from the not too distant future, next Sunday AD.

Yes, my friend, is it Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3K.

I first watched this show back in 1992 when it was pretty much the only ‘big’ show on a new network called Comedy Central. The folks at Comedy Central would play this show all day because…well….they only had a handful of shows like Short Attention Span Theater and other stand-up clip shows. In fact it is the only reason why a 2 hour show like MST3K would be aired nationally; Comedy Central needed to fill air time.

It is sort of a funny concept; so original yet so basic: make fun of a bad movie. It is something we all have done, but what these guys did on MST3K was much more: they built an entire world. And yes, the jokes were waaaaay funnier than what you or I can do.

And the show became a hit….sort of. Cult hit I guess. It is a show not for everyone, but it is a show for the right person. Essentially what I mean by this is if you are as big of a nerd and pop culture sponge like me, you will enjoy the ‘so bad its good’ movie they are watching, get most of the references they hurl out continuously, and embrace the little world they created inside the Satellite of Love.

I know this sounds weird, but it feels like Joel (or Mike) and the Bots become your friends over this time. I mean when you watch as many as I have, you have spent A LOT of time suffering with them through awful films. But also it feels like a shared experience; they are sort of talking to you as you both are watching something. It is not simply a show where they are performing out some sort of situation that only they are apart of, like a sitcom does. They are bringing you into their world by chatting about this experience (eg: watching this lame movie) you both are having at that moment. It has a sense of intimacy most shows cannot capture.

Also the personalities are just fun. They really are not mean spirited (credit their Midwest comedy sensibilities for that) and you just want to be there live riffing with them.

So now we are in 2022, and I am now watching it the same way I watched it 30 years ago. And guess what? It aged better than Dick Clark. I still laugh at all the same references, quips, and fun nonsense they toss out. Yeah, I know I have seen these things multiple times and granted, I can’t pay attention to every word they say every episode, but I don’t need to or want to.

It is comfort TV, and in a time where we need all the comfort we can get, I cannot thank Joel/Mike, the Bots, Dr. Clayton, and TV’s Frank enough.

Old Friends was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 10, 2022.

Gas-X

2022-03-09T00:00:00+00:00

Wow, gas prices are high. Luckily I don’t drive much, so this doesn’t effect me.

BONG!!!!

Of course it effects me, silly. And if effects everyone.

Even if you don’t drive much, trucks carrying goods for us to buy use gas. The bus that I use to go downtown uses gas. The Uber driver that picks up your lazy ass from the bar at night uses gas. Therefore, it is safe to say that all goods and services will increase in price due to inflating gas prices.

So how can we stop this?

Well, for one we can root for Russia to end at whatever they think they are doing and hope Russia will supply more oil and gas, thereby prices go down. But that is stupid; other than the fact that is inhumane to think of only yourself during this time of war (shame on you!), you think prices would go down? OPEC uses every excuse in the book to hike up prices, and don’t think for a second this war is hitting their precious bottom line as much as the prices indicate.

But luckily I have a better idea; stop relying so much on oil, gas, and especially OPEC. This oil industry is so dirty and corrupt, why in the world does the Western World let OPEC grab them by the neck and let squeeze? The utter dependency we have on these bionnaire Arabian sheiks who violate more human rights laws than Deshaun Watson in a day is shameful.

America is no different; continuously this country votes down alternative energy options (thank you GOP idiots) yet still complain about gas prices. How stupid is this country?

So next time you complain about gas prices, and you vote against measures like solar, wind, etc, consider yourself a true American…………….idiot.

Gas-X was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 09, 2022.

Traded

2022-03-08T00:00:00+00:00

Russel Wilson got traded today.

Wow.

This is not to say a trade was totally shocking. Anyone who has followed this drama as closely as any Hawk fan has knows this was possible. It just felt less and less probable (for this season) as the off-season deepened.

So the three main questions are:

What led to this?
Was it a good thing for the Hawks to do?
What should the Hawks do now?

Let’s attack each question one by one…..

What led to this?

Well, this discomfort in the organization about Russell has been going on for a number of years. To make a looooong story short, I feel it came to this: Russell thinks he is an all-time great QB and wants to have more control over the offense and also to get paid handsomely for it in his next contract due next season. The Hawks think he is good but not great, on the downside of his career (mainly due to his increasing lack of mobility) and don’t want to deal with his super-agent Mark Rogers in the off-season, who will ask for Aaron Rodger’s money (~50 million, or about 23% of the salary cap).

The whispers of front office dissatisfaction for Russell started in 2017, where GM John Schneider was scouting out QB’s at the combine, namely Patrick Mahomes. Faint rumors of trading up to get Mahomes were in the air, but ultimately nothing became of this.

Cut to 2018, once again Schneider is poking around the QB chicken coup and louder rumors were circling about trading Russell to Cleveland for the #1 pick, to draft one Josh Allen. Once again, this did not happen. Why was Schneider dipping his toe in the QB waters at this time? Well, Russell’s contract was due up around that time and there has been a belief that the powers-that-be do not believe Russell is really capable of growing into a true elite QB. Why wasn’t he traded? Rumor has it Pete Carroll nixed these ideas.

Now cut to 2020, where Russell, agent Mark, and puppet Colin Cowherd were all on the warpath demanding Russell get more say as respect in the organization after their 1st round defeat in the 2020 playoffs and if not, wants to be traded…to four select teams….publicly….on Dan Patrick.

Well, a trade in 2020 didn’t happen, but you can see the gauntlet was thrown, feelings hurt, and we are where we are today.

Was it a good thing for the Hawks to do?

I say yes, but only time will tell. It hurts the Seattle community to lose such a big name, but let’s face it: this team was not going to compete for a title in the next 2 season (when Russell’s contract is officially up); they simply do not have the personnel to do it. So is the answer to cross your fingers in free agency and maybe burn more resources in trades in the process, then sign Russell to a contract that eats up 25% of your cap? Or trade him now, get some resources, and start the rebuild now.

I say the latter.

I am one who does not value a QB like most people; sure it is the most important position in football, but not as important as everyone else says. If QB’s were all important, than Aaron Rodgers would have made more than one Super Bowl, as with Drew Brees, Dan Marino, and many other greats who never went to one. You need a complete team with a good QB. And as a side note: we can see the last 2 Super Bowl winners did; built a team based on solid personnel, especially on the line, and then ‘recruited’ a known QB to fill that vacancy. Seattle can do the same, or draft one at some point.

I know fans of teams with subpar QB’s will say you cannot get anywhere with a great QB. Well, you can’t get anywhere without great, personnel either.

What should the Hawks do now?

Well, just build. Through the draft, through free agency, etc. Be patient, be smart, and be lucky. I know that doesn’t sound great, and it is easy to point to teams that have tried this and failed, but in a sense most teams fail if you measure success as a Super Bowl; only 1 out of 32 teams win a Super Bowl. And this Hawk team with Russell Wilson was NOT going to any Super Bowl. Remember, this Hawks team have one exactly 1 playoff game in 5 years. Remember, this team has not made the NFC title game in 8 years. Granted, that is not utter failure, but c’mon now, you have to do something. Big. And they did.

My overall take is that both team’s did what they felt they needed to do, Denver was tired of having no answer at QB and Seattle was tired of playing the role of the Atlanta Hawks circa 1980’s. In all honestly though, I think Denver just signed up for a few 10-7ish season with first round exits as they pay their new celebrity QB 25% of their salary cap while the Hawks are crossing their fingers hoping to rekindle some magic from 2010-2012 in the draft.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, huh?

Traded was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 08, 2022.

Gym Brats

2022-03-07T00:00:00+00:00

I hate everyone at my gym.

I hate them all.

Whether it is the old man lifting no weight at all yet finds a way of monopolizing the weight rack, whether is it the lifting bro who is grunting and flexing to his ‘audience’ intimidating everyone around him, or the woman who is taking up three times an area she should be while on her phone, I hate them all.

Now I am completely aware that they have a right to be in the gym; some would argue as much right as I have.

But I go there to lift and leave, all the while taking up the smallest footprint possible. I wish I can say that about everyone.

To be fair, not everyone in the gym is as annoying as the previously mentioned poisonous folks. But my hatred is so deep, so raw, and so real for those garbage humans, the hate bleeds into the innocent gym-goers that probably deserve little of that hate (although they probably did something awful in their personal life at some point, so I think that legitimizes some of that hate). Unfair? Probably. But that’s the reality.

If you think this is too extreme of a take….well talk to anyone you know that goes to the gym on a daily basis. I think they will agree with me.

Especially cell phone person. Worst person in the world. Period.

Gym Brats was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 07, 2022.

Bottled-in-Bond Day

2022-03-03T00:00:00+00:00

Bottled-in-Bond day!!!

Finally!

Yes, my friend, today is Bottled-in-Bond day,as I am sure all of you are well aware of.

But for those mindless troglodytes that were not aware of this, or…….do I dare say…..not know what Bottled-in-Bond even means………..GASP!!!! I’ll give you a quick tutorial on the definition and significance of this term ‘Bottled-in-Bond’.

So, Bottled-in-Bond (or BiB) is a whiskey term. It is sort of a label of quality, a badge of honor per se. You see, there was a time, around the late 1800’s, where whiskey was becoming more and more popular. Bars across America were stocking this finest of liquor from all sorts of avenues; from distilleries themselves to wandering salesmen to even making it themselves.

I think you can see the possible problem.

When you allow people to just create whiskey or sell ‘whiskey’, this invites all sorts of nefarious acts. It is like a city that doesn’t enforce laws, all of the sudden this gives bad people license to rob stores, sell drugs in the open, and for the masses to feel unsafe (have no idea what that is like living in Seattle……….). And this is exactly what happened with whiskey; shop keepers used prune juice, spittoon pots, even turpentine to color their spirit to look authentic and passed it as whiskey. You can imagine the result of this; people getting sick, even dying, from these concoctions.

So enter the US Government.

In 1897, the government passed a law (called the ‘Bottled-in-Bond’ Act) that helped regulate this awful situation. The quick and dirty version of this law states:

Must be aged 4 years
Must be 50% abv
Must have been aged in a US Government bonded warehouse
And some other minusca we don’t need to get into

But you can see from this Act, this really helped clean up the whiskey scene, especially bourbon. See, the government is needed in our lives.

To this day, the BiB label is used on American whiskey, mainly bourbons, to should the juice inside the bottle meets all that criteria.

Granted, a bourbon being BiB is not as important in today’s market as it once was. There is no false ingredients or poisons inside whiskey bottles anymore, outside the alcohol itself. And there are plenty of designer bourbons that have high quality that don’t use the BiB label (although may qualify). But it is still a badge that has a real meaning and it pretty much guarantees that this product is at least good.

So thank you Bottled-in-Bond Act of 1897, thank you for ensuring quality in our whiskey, integrity in our purchases, and preventing more people from dying…..although those people from the 1890’s would be dead by now anyway……so thank you BiB Act for not having more people….die earlier….and blame God for human’s short life span…..???? I guess???

Anyway, crack a BiB bourbon open tonight and celebrate. I know I will.

Bottled-in-Bond Day was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 03, 2022.

Who's Your Dojo Now?

2022-03-02T00:00:00+00:00

I am sure everyone knows that Russia has launched a very ill-advised attack on Ukraine starting last week. We need not get into all of the details why Russia would do such an anti-social, dangerous, and utterly rude thing (cough….oil supremacy….cough), so all I will comment on this is that Vladimir Putin is sort of a jerk.

Apparently, most of the free world agrees with my assessment of Putin and have since done a myriad of things to hurt the autocrat’s war and stance in the world. Things such as sanctions on their money, banks, trade, and other types of things that I don’t understand.

But there has been one agency that has levied a counterattack so harsh, so debilitating, so personal to Putin. And that is World Taekwondo; they stripped Putin of his honorary black belt.

First off, there is nothing more precious to anyone than an ‘honorary’ anything…I mean you can’t spell ‘honorary’ without the word ‘honor’.

Secondly, I am sure this has sent a cold chill down Putin’s spine. What do his peers think of him now? What does a Steven Seagal saying about Putin behind his back. It probably is not understandable due to his fat face, but sure as shit Steven is talking. And how about a Jean-Claude Van Damme? What does he think about all of this? None of us truly know, but if we know Jean-Claude, it probably involves a roundhouse kick into a splits.

And what about the Valley?

This last one brings me to my final point: yes Putin being stripped of all Taekwondo status is both humiliating and ego-draining, but this also makes Vlad a free agent in the martial arts scene. Will Danny LaRusso, Johnny Lawrence, or John Kreese errrrr…..Terry Silver pick him up?

Honestly I don’t see Danny taking that chance; Miyagi-Do has never been about aggression or anger. So that one is a no.

Now Johnny is interesting; there was a time I would have thought Eagle Fang would have reached out to Putin about joining up. But I think Johnny is learning from his past mistakes and…well…I don’t see a future for Vlad at Eagle Fang. Besides, Johnny is still living in the Cold War Era so Putin would be no friend and Vlad would probably not take kindly being called ‘penis breath’.

And finally there is Cobra Kai. Now at first this may not look so good; a Kreese/Putin friendship seems unlikely due to the fact Kreese spent his younger life fighting the Viet Cong. But now….well, this is different story. Terry Silver is now in charge of Cobra Kai, and he is about as insane as they come. Couple that with his close connection to Asia (owns DynaTox Industries: business plan is to dump toxic waste in Borneo) I think this is a match made heaven….or HELL!!

Anyway, it will be very interesting in the upcoming weeks to see if Terry will reintroduce Putin to the martial arts fold, thus creating shock waves across all martial arts disciplines. I am not saying it will happen, but don’t be surprised if you see Vladimir Putin in the finals of the All Valley Karate Tournament next season squaring off against Miguel.

Who's Your Dojo Now? was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 02, 2022.

Who's Side Are You On?

2022-03-01T00:00:00+00:00

So as of right now, the MLB player’s union and the MLB owners are negotiating a new collective bargaining agreement. And when this time comes in all the major sports leagues, everyone wants to pick a side; who do you agree with….owners or players?

I think this is a very misguided way of looking at these types of sports issues.

For the people who claim to side with the owners, they think of themselves as upper management as well; can’t let the inmates run the asylum. I guess these people feel they can relate more to the ownership side of things rather than the players side. Well, news to those people, these owners all have one thing in common; they are very wealthy. Not not wealthy, but stupid, societal crippling wealth that no single person should have. These owners value money, a lot. Not because they need more, but because the shear amount of money they can amass is their measure of their self-worth; to others in their little billionaire club and to themselves. In other words, they are just ultra-greedy to the extent it harms our world. No one you or I will ever know can possibly relate to their lives. And trust me, those owners care nothing at all about you.

For the people who supports the players, I think these people either want to side with on the people they think they know and root for just because they wear the right colors or see these players as labor and want to back the fight against the ‘man’; a sort of ‘rise of the proletariat’ stance. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but there is one thing all of these players have in common; they are elite athletes, and have been since the age of 5. Ever since that time they started Little League, all the dads, coaches, peripheral fans, scouts, and the opposite sex have fawned over them like they are gods. Big men on campus, each and every one of them. Now some handle it better than others, but it is inevitable that a distorted sense of self and worth to society ensues. In other words, these athletes have lived (and still live) this bizarre consequence-free life that not one of us can ever really grasp. And trust me, these players do not give a shit about you at all.

So who do I side with? Well, the fans. Because that is what I am.

I really do not care about the owners or the players; I feel rooting for one over the other is like picking between a turd sandwich or a douche. I just want what is best for the game, and therefore the fans.

So I take these lockouts or strikes on a case-by-case basis. For this one, I am rooting for the players. Why? Well, a minimum salary floor will help the game and the reform on the draft will lessen the motivation for teams to tank seasons. All good for the game. Owners want more playoff teams….bad for the game.

However at other times, things can change. Guaranteed contracts for players….bad for the game. Owners wanting opt-outs so they are not tied to paying for no productivity and players who check out (see Bobby Bonilla)…good for the game.

I just want what is best for me, the fans, and the game. Both sides can suck a lime if you ask me. But the idea of having to pick a side between these two clowns….well that’s a sport I am not buying tickets for.

Who's Side Are You On? was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on March 01, 2022.

I Had a Dream Last Night....

2022-02-28T00:00:00+00:00

That I had a book report due and I was not ready and I felt very embarrassed.

What a stupid dream, huh?

First off, why am I don’t dreaming of something cool, like flying in the air or starring in a really cool movie where I play a no nonsense cop who plays by his own rules and has a chimpanzee as a sidekick. Oh no, I can’t dream about anything cool like that. I have to dream about homework.

Secondly, who actually reads the book for any book report? I don’t think I read any assigned book cover to cover. Sure, I would read snippets of paragraphs and go more in depth with Cliff Notes or Spark Notes, but what masochist actually took time from their life to read every word of the Scarlet Letter when they were 16? No one should feel embarrassed if they didn’t read the book. If anything, be embarrassed if you DID read the book!

Finally, and far more importantly, why in the world am I still dreaming about schoolwork? I am a 46 year old man who hasn’t had to do a book report in over 30 years. How in the world is schoolwork still infiltrating my mind’s eye when I sleep?

That is the crazy thing about school; we still have dreams about it even when we are older. Some of these dreams involve going to school with no pants, some are about not being prepared and fail a test, some are about losing face when presenting a book to the class you clearly have not read. Regardless, I do not think I am the only person in the world that still has the occasional dream about being in school.

And all of these dreams are about anxiety; feeling awful about failing and being publicly embarrassed about it in front of your peers. Even if none of these actual events happened in our lives as youths, we still have the ability to conjure up a hypothetical situation where this may have happened, and how we would feel about it.

As adults.

Damn those formative years, huh.

So the conclusion is not that I should be more prepared when given an assignment. The lesson is school is a place that will torment you until the day you die.

I Had a Dream Last Night.... was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 28, 2022.

Just Stop It...Please

2022-02-24T00:00:00+00:00

So there is this thing called TikTok. Or is it called Instagram Reels. Or whatever.

Anyway, it sucks. All of it sucks. It makes you stupid. Stop watching it.

But there is this trend (or should I say ‘hastag trend’) on these outlets where people talk to themselves as if they are two different people. It is like a little skit. And hilarity ensues.

But it DOESN’T ENSUE!!! No hilarity ensues at all. These little bits of vanity mixed in with some attempt at observational humor is just sooooo goddamn painful to watch.

And it has to stop.

Now you may say, ‘well, you idiot, why don’t you just simply stop watching it yourself’. But there are two problems with this:

This kind of art-form is not just detrimental to the viewers of said swill, but it harms our community as a whole. The fact that others encourage this type of behavior and deem it entertainment is not only a sad reflection on our society today, but sullies all art-forms en masse. Instead of people listening to Beethoven’s 9th or reading Moby Dick, these people are mindlessly staring a little screen watching some jackass face left and say something, face right and say something, left, right, left, right, end scene.
I can’t avoid it. This talk-to-self short video form has permeated too deep to simply escape.

This is the problem when technology is too easy and too available for all; too many untalented hacks can now spread their ‘oh so clever’ ideas on an international scale. Entertainment should not be a democracy, not everyone deserves to put their version of humor out in the open; it clogs up the scene for too many deserving people.

So there you go friends. Please stop looking towards these social media outlets for your tiny nuggets of entertainment; these offerings just dull your mind, feed our short attention span, and takes time away from doing more important things.

Like reading my blog.

Just Stop It...Please was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 24, 2022.

Missing Link in the Supply Chain

2022-02-23T00:00:00+00:00

Why is my package late?

Covid.

Why is there no update on said package?

Covid.

Why is there a car shortage?

Covid.

Why is the Scotch supply late to hit the shelves here in the states?

Covid.

Because apparently Covid has officially found a way to take out the supply chain.

And here I thought Covid was mostly a respiratory disease.

Now I know that so-called ‘experts’ will explain exactly how this pandemic has effected the supply chain; I am sure it has something to do with equation ‘more sick people - delivery people + more people demanding home deliveries = shortage’. But I disagree.

I think Covid is being used as an excuse for all of these hang-ups in the supply chain.

First off, it is not like deliveries were on time all that often before. I mean mail being late is a standard stand-up routine, so the fact that things are still late arriving now is just historically consistent. No need to blame Covid, blame a shoddy system.

Secondly, being in the delivery work force sucks. It is not fun, you don’t get paid all that much, and no one appreciates you. This is their time to sit back, relax a bit, and take it a bit easier because all you need to say is ‘Covid’ and everyone gives you a pass.

And I don’t blame them. I mean everyone else is using this magic excuse to get out of all sorts of responsibilities.

Don’t want to go to the office? Say Covid makes you uneasy and now you can clown around at home on the company’s dime.

Don’t want to have dinner with that lame couple the Parker’s? Just say you have a cough and you are out of it.

Are you a teenager who is struggling in college? Well, shit, you didn’t learn anything your senior year huh? Why? Covid.

Now I am not sure how long we as a society are allowed to use this Covid excuse (although I expect the younger generation is going to use this as the ‘reason’ for all of their failings for the future), but I for one will not let others use Covid as an excuse any more!

Sound harsh?

Well sorry.

Blame Covid.

Missing Link in the Supply Chain was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 23, 2022.

The Agony of Defeat

2022-02-22T00:00:00+00:00

Mikaela Shiffrin lost.

Badly.

Coming into this Winter Olympics, she was the face of NBC’s broadcast. Other being another genetically gifted female skier, there really was no other big names going into this event for NBC to advertise (sorry Nathan Chen, I knew who you were before, but no one else really did.)

But she failed to win. Anything. Winning exactly as many medals as I did at these Games, she did not live up to the hype. At all. Sorry, that is just the simple fact of it.

Now that in itself is not that unheard of. I can rattle off many examples where athletes of all sports and types failed to win at the biggest moment; from Dan O’Brien to Dan Jansen to Greg Norman to Andy Roddick to Scott Norwood to Tim Montgomery to …..you get the point. And I don’t want to put Shiffrin in the same group as Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka, I mean Shiffrin didn’t commit any felony sports sins (more on those two later….much more….I promise). She just lost. It happens.

What is different is how some people are treating these failures, especially with female athletes.

Instead of the harsh reality of winning and losing, many in the media are trying to soften the blow, making excuses of ‘too much pressure’ or even more odd statements like ‘we should look at winning in a different way’. This is such a weird trend for me; instead of celebrating the winner of an event we are coddling the person who was favored and lost while ignoring the winner. That makes no sense to me at all.

In comparison, have you heard what the media are saying about Pat Mahomes and his AFC performance? Or better yet, remember what people said after Lebron James performance in 2011 versus the Mavericks? Or Peyton Manning’s shortcomings versus the Patriots? Or any player that faced off against Michael Jordan? Or what Red Sox fans still say about Bill Buckner? Or how Cowboy fans feel about Tony Romo? I can go on forever so I’ll stop at that. The point is that the tone of the criticism is night and day; one has their legacies questioned while the other has almost everyone in the media apologizing for them.

This also doesn’t mean she is not a great skier. She still is #1 in the world at her events and will probably win again soon. However, if female athletes want the same respect in the sports community as the males, they have to not only want to be treated the same in victory, but demand to be treated in the same way in defeat. Results matter in sports, not just fluffy feel-good stories. But right now, sports media do not treat female athletes or their sports with a level scrutiny or seriousness that meets any level of equality with male athletes.

The Agony of Defeat was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 22, 2022.

President's Day II: The Revenge

2022-02-21T00:00:00+00:00

So I have been one-upped.

Good show, Mr Presidents, good show.

In wake of my online…say…critique of President’s Day, I was cursed by those dastards on the very day we are supposed to celebrate them.

I will be more clear; I had diarrhea on Monday. Yes, diarrhea. I haven’t had diarrhea in probably over 30 years, yet on the precise day that I ranted about a few days ago, I was hexed with that grotesque gastronomic condition.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in coincidence.

Just like James Garfield, my stomach was shot. I guess you can say I was ‘Garfield’ed. And much like the previous mentioned Republican, I was bent over in pain for quite some time.

So who played the role of Charles J. Guiteau in my day of discontent? (Side note Guiteau murdered Garfield…..jeez, read a history book will ya?) Some may say it was the chicken pot pie I ate the night prior. Others may say it was the leftover lunch I had. Even others may cite the moldy raisin I found under the fridge that I ate before bed. But I know none of those are the cause.

This ailment came from a higher power; the ‘Executive Branch in the Sky’ one can say. Yes, my friend, I blame those spiteful dead presidents who disagreed with my blazing hot take on their holy day.

Luckily for me, my tummy issues are long gone and will be forgotten, much like James Garfield. But let this be a warning to us all; do not cross the Presidents of the United States. They still have veto power.

President's Day II: The Revenge was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 21, 2022.

Watch This Show

2022-02-17T00:00:00+00:00

We are in a golden age of television. If you don’t believe me, re-watch some of those shows from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s: Hill Street Blues, Dallas, Dynasty, NYPD Blue. Yeah, they age well about as much a Glam Rock groupie.

Ever since the Sopranos, TV shows have upped their game and really put forth more interesting, dynamic, and memorable stories than ever before. I would even debate the best shows are of a higher quality than the best movies of today.

Now not all shows are of such quality; in fact anything on regular network TV is pretty much lazy and recycled. The best shows are the ones where the network allows for them to tell their story, patiently and with multiple episodes. These networks typically are of the HBO, AMC, and Netflix variety.

So I have delved into 3 new shows this past month and I’ll tell you whether if they are must watches, or something else.

Book of Boba Fett: Now if you are a Star Wars fan, then you probably have already seen it. But if you are not a fan, this show is worthless to you. This is not like the Mandalorian; a show with a character that entered the zeitgeist and can be enjoyed by all. No, this show is very forgettable, and weird. There is nothing that felt like it mattered in this show (outside the parts with the Mandalorian in it), and I don’t think anyone cared. Hard pass, unless you love your Star Wars.

Reacher: Now I have only seen 3 episodes so far of this, but this is a must watch. The guy who plays Reacher is a creature; huge, buff, and ripped all to hell. Yes, I am jealous. The story is set around Reacher, a good-at-everything-especially-fighting ex-military sort who ends up at some podunk town (we still don’t know why) where there are a series of murders. After being falsely accused of the first murder, Reacher decides to get involved in the investigations. I’ll just leave it at that. It is fun, engaging, and hyper-violent.

Yellowjackets: IF you were going to watch one show this year, make it Better Call Saul. But if you plan on watching only two, watch Yellowjackets. This show simply kicks ass. Premise: In 1996, a plane carrying the Yellowjackets high school girl’s soccer team crashed in the middle of nowhere. The story starts in present day where we are following a small group of female survivors from that plane crash. Flash back 25 years at the crash site where you see some Lord of the Flies stuff going on. Flash forward and you see there are some mysterious things happening on the 25 year anniversary of the crash. Flash back, flash forward, flash back, the scenes are meant to parallel each other, and the further you go in the show, the more is revealed about what really happened after the crash. This show has everything: great acting, huge mystery, big ‘WTF’ moments galore, even a bit of humor. And oh yeah, there may be some cannibalism coming soon. One can only hope.

So there you go, watch Yellowjackets, catch Racher if you can, and forget Boba Fett unless you are a die hard Star Wars nerd.

But, above all else, for heaven’s sakes, watch Better Call Saul.

President's Day?

2022-02-16T00:00:00+00:00

I remember when I used to respect President’s Day.

Let me rephrase that.

I remember when President’s Day was not President’s Day at all, but a combination of our two clear greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. Both of their birthdays are in February, and instead of letting kids have 2 days off, we combined those two birthdays into one day off.

Somehow, for whatever reason, this was changed to include all presidents, both great and awful alike.

Side note: check out my list of Top 10 greatest presidents here.

Regardless of good or bad, I think we all can agree that even if we don’t like certain presidents, we can agree than it is a position that we should respect.

That is until now.

Ever since the last administration, there is zero reason to give any sort of respect to the office for the sake of being that office. The entire regime shit on everything that anyone and anything that was honored by any administration previously. Even James Buchanan, widely considered the worst president of all time, was deemed awful at his job due to his complacency in avoiding a pending Civil War….at least he didn’t try to create a Civil War.

I mean it is inconceivable how bad the last presidential term was; so stupid, how corrupt, how poisonous, how fake, and how hateful. I still think even the most rational thinkers have not fully comprehended how truly terrible those people were. And what’s worse; there are still people that would vote for it to continue.

And for that reason, I will not recognize any day that would even tangentially honor what happened from 2016-2020. I will buy no car, no mattress, or shop at any store with a President’s Day sale. I will not spend any coinage that has a face of a president on it. I will watch ‘In the Line of Fire’ and sympathize with John Malkovich. And I will not take the day off from work.

OK, I’ll do that last one, but I won’t like it.

OK, I will like it. But anyway…………

So suck it President’s Day! Instead of sending you my good graces, will be thinking of various Prime Ministers and the Parliamentary system the entire day.

President's Day? was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 16, 2022.

Superb Owl

2022-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

So the Super Bowl happened on Sunday.

So…yeah…..

The Superb Owl is way better than what I saw on Sunday.

It was not a good game. I mean the players played hard and all that stuff, but the people that are running this show, refs, coaches, and the like, are so utterly miserable at their jobs for the pay they get in this multi-billion dollar industry, it baffles my mind.

Let’s first take the coaches:

The Rams on defense, after half the game lining no one up in front of center, decided to do this at the beginning of the second half, not letting the Bengals center help block Aaron Donald. The Bengals could not handle it at all. Why did it take so long to do this?
And why could the Bengals not answer this one minor adjustment at all?
Why id the Bengals go for it on 4th down at the beginning of the game, pretty much giving points to the Rams. I know the coaches will say that is what their numbers say, but their numbers are wrong. With that awful o-line the Bengals have, getting 1 yard has a different probability than what their normal calculation is. So stupid.
Why did the Bengals coach call a time out near the end of the first half? This, in turn, allowed the Rams to have another shot at getting the ball with enough time for a field goal.
WHY IN THE HELL DID THE BENGALS NOT CALL TIME OUT ON THEIR LAST POSSESSION ON 2ND AND 1? Instead, they try to run a quick play, quick took over 12 seconds to set up mind you, and was a miscommunication on a long pass. 3rd and 1, stuffed the run. 4th and 1, sack. So the Bengals ended up with a spare time out at the end. Use the damn time out to set up the play on 2nd down. Made no sense.
Why is Kooper Kupp open all the time? If he is truly unstoppable, why not literally throw to him every time? Throughout the whole season? The reality is that no one is unstoppable, just poorly schemed against.

Now on to the refs:

I hate pass interference, but how do you miss that OPI on Higgins? I mean the face mask alone is a penalty.
And that holding call on the defense that virtually ended the game. How do you call that. Like it or not, referees decide games. And that call decided the game. A multi-billionaire dollar game, and that random call decided it. Does the punishment fit the crime in that case? Not the first time we have seen a call help the Rams in their recent history…..

There is plenty more, but am getting sick thinking about this. The NFL is a sloppy, slap-dash run organization with coaches who cannot handle the job and refs that are even more inept than the coaches.

Can’t wait for next year, huh.

Superb Owl was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 15, 2022.

Valentine's Day

2022-02-14T00:00:00+00:00

Hello everyone!! And I hope you are welcoming in my favorite holiday with the same vigor as I am……..Valentine’s Day!!!

Yes, Valentine’s Day, or V-Day (not to be confused with VE-Day…..a much more important day) is something we all look forward to every year, single and couples alike.

Now you might say to yourself ‘Hey wait a moment….this is so out of character for you’. And my response to that is….

PSHAW!!!!

I love love, and love love’s me. Always been true. And no other day celebrates this side of me more that this day today.

I think the biggest reason why I LOVE this day so much is how natural and unforced this holiday is. I mean it is nothing like Christmas; a holiday born out of commercialized and guilt you into buying things like jewelry, cards, and candy. Oh no no no my friend. Valentine’s Day is nothing like that.

Let me take you on a journey….a journey that will share with you the origin of Valentine’s Day and where it gets it’s true authentic meaning from.

It all started in 269 AD when soon-to-be Saint Valentine died. Then 200+ years later in 496, people celebrated this day to honor the fallen martyr.

Fast Forward ~1500 years later and now we buy cards, candy, and jewelry for each other, still hanging onto the true meaning of Valentine’s Day………martyrdom…….ERREERERERER love. I meant love.

Anyway, I hope everyone out there is either falling in love all over again with their significant other or hitting on desperate singles in hopes of getting lucky. Regardless, I am sure it is the way St. Valentine is looking down from heaven smiling at all of us.

Or he is trapped in hell, with demons poking at him with sharp sticks for eternity because he chose the wrong God.

Either way, he will be celebrated.

Valentine's Day was originally published by Phil at Seattle Spew on February 14, 2022.