Stop the Presses!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, New York City once again got hit with a ‘mass terrorist attack’. Eight people dead and up to 11 people hurt by some confused asshole from Uzbekistan.

This is the biggest story of the year.

Forget the fact that over 50 people died in Puerto Rico during the hurricane. Forget the fact that 80+ people died in Houston during their hurricane. And please forget about the fact that 220+ people died in Washington state alone due to the flu. Yes, none of that matters at all because 8 people died in a city of 17 million.

According to my ‘importance of life’ index (statistically deduced by using empirical data gleaned from media coverage in the past of different tragedies across America: the two main covariates are: distance from Manhattan (Y=1-B1e^(B2dist), or inversely proportional) and size of city (X city size/NY city size)) one life in Manhattan is worth about 1.2 in Boston, 8,000 in Seattle, and about 20,000 in Tucson. In other words, this is simply not a local news story. This is a national tragedy that we all need to dwell on for days. And the fact that ISIS takes credit for this attack…well….shit. All the more important. I know ISIS takes credit for pretty much every death, think they even chalk up some to cancer, but who cares?

One thing I am sure about as well is that Trump and friends will not use this as a rallying cry for their no immigration laws. I mean even though the media is rightfully making this into a mass terrorism story, we all know that your current administration will not try to capitalize on this and will definitely not fear monger. Proper perspective, pragmatic legislation, and a calm voice, that is something we can count on from our media and government leaders.

I can only hope I hear the forceful words of ‘New York Strong’ soon, because as well all know when you insist you are something over and over again, that means you are that something (sort of like Trump saying ‘I am smart, really I am smart’. Well shit, he must be smart then. But I digress…..). Let’s hope that ISIS doesn’t haven any secret agents in Boise Idaho, because I am not sure they are as strong as New York. But I wouldn’t expect that to happen. I mean ISIS would have to kill about 10,000 people just to crack the national front page news. That seems like too much work. Probably a lot easier to attack a handful of pedestrians in Central Park and watch America go up in hysterics.