I’m going to come out and say it; I am so tired of the panda’s act.

Just look at the picture, he is laughing at us.

They get so much attention from us humans it is ridiculous. From being put on logos, to creating cartoons where they know kung fu, to the infamous ‘panda-cam’, pandas are all littered across our pop culture.

For example:

WWF logo

How can pro wrestling live with itself knowing this fluffy fat panda is now the symbol of their organization. I’m sure Vince McMahon is rolling in his grave.

Panda Express

Look how smug that damn panda looks…eating my chow mein. Lucky for you my anger can’t be too deep, your food is delicious.

Sexual Harassment Panda

It was such a lame representation of an issue I hold dear, it was exiled to the Island of Misfit Mascots.

Purple Panda

I love Mr. Rogers, but this was just weird. An alien panda fro the planet Purple? C’mon Fred, even as a 4 year old I knew that was not a reasonable character in the Neighbor of Make-Believe. And you had an orphan tiger living in a clock that I was willing to accept!

As you can see, the panda is close to deified in our culture. And how does he/she repay us?

By being soooo annoying.

We as humans are the only species on earth that care about other animals and their existence. But I swear these pandas want to be extinct.

  • It lives in highland areas, yet the only food they eat are bamboo and that grows in the lowlands.

  • Despite the constant effort of the top zoology minds in the world, they have the damnedest time getting these guys to have sex. Just reproduce for Christ’s sake and stop being endangered!

  • Even Mother Nature is ‘meh’ on the panda, blessing the male with the smallest penis-to-overall size ratio in the animal kingdom.

  • They toy with their relationship with humans. Remember when Ling-Wong tried to kill Ron Burgundy by fueling the media frenzy of ‘Panda Watch’? Maybe you let that go, but I am not so quick to forgive.

I am ready to distance myself from the panda and all panda-related propaganda. We need to pay more attention to the other black and white critters of the animal kingdom such as the zebra, the penguin, the albino tiger, the dalmatian, and the black-and-white version of the platypus. Maybe these animals will show more appreciation and less recalcitrance towards our good will.