There are a few things in my life I know I will never do: give birth to a baby, vote for Trump, root for any team from Boston, drink a diet soda on purpose, watch any reality show, enjoy any Tyler Perry production, and……

Play Pokemon Go.

First off, Pokemon is just like Chinpokomon from South Park….it means ‘penis’ in Japanese. I don’t want to play with penis.

Secondly, I am not a 12 year old.

Lastly, it is stupid.

Now before you get all riled up at me, I get the nostalgia it is for some people. When I was a kid, all I did was play with Star Wars action figures. When I was a bit older, it was all Nintendo. I look back at that time and guess what? I still love Star Wars and will definitely buy that new 8-bit Nintendo thing coming in November (30 games, including Zelda, Mario, and Mega Man 2!!!!!). I am a bit too old for the TMNT craze, missed the Mighty Morphin thing by about 8 years, and way too old for Pokemon. So I know I may not be the target audience and also understand a bit of the appeal for some.

But here is the thing, 25ish year old and kids cannot account for the huge success of this app. That means old people are playing it as well!!!

I have literally seen 60+ year olds swiping on their phone right in the middle of walkways. What the hell is going on out there? There is no tangible prize for collecting all of these fake creatures. There is no award for being the ‘best’ at this game, or whatever it is. Did these old people actually own Pokemon cards and go to the movies when it was big 15 years ago? God I hope not. So why are these people playing it as well?

The main server for this is always down due to the high traffic. People are getting into car accidents due to this thing. Businesses are profiting on this mania by setting ‘traps’ around their stores to attract these losers.

I know that we feel as a society that the end is near due to most recent popularity of the GOP candidate, but I think this fad may be worse. Sure, it is harmless on the surface (sans the car/bike accidents that are occurring), but doesn’t this speak to the vapid and mindless culture we are living in today? I mean this is bigger than a time killer like Candy Crush or Tinder. This reaches farther than US soil; this is a global epidemic. Pokemon Go is consuming daily lifestyle and indicates how banal and easily manipulated we can be a a species.

As I mentioned earlier, there are other example of trendy fads of years past that try to shoehorn their way back into society. Some are actually successful like Star Wars, Legos, and Transformers. But this latest movement is more surprising and sudden than any other retread fad. I have no idea why.

Also, did I mention it’s stupid?