Can't Get No Satisfaction

This is Seattle Beer Week!!! What does that exactly mean? I really don’t know, I feel like it’s beer week every week around here.

But here is a list of the week’s festivities:

Click me to see Seattle’s Beer Week’s list

The first thing that is suspicious is that this ‘week’ spans from May 12th to May 22nd. According to my calculations……..carry the 4………divide by 1…………this is 11 days. From my Google search, a week is 7 days. 11>7.

The second thing is there are a ton of events. So I picked one to go to yesterday: ‘Can You Handel My Randall?’ at my local haunt, the Pine Box.

So what the hell is a ‘Randall’ styled beer? This bests explains it. Long story short, they filter the beer through various scraps of tasty things, like orange peels or nutmeg, and that enhances the overall flavor. Some of the best beer’s I’ve ever had are via this Randall process, so needless to say I was looking forward to this day. So I put on my favorite beer-drinking shirt, Sauron’s Dark Ale black shirt, and headed up the hill to the Box.

Now before you go to an event like this, you have certain expectations; a large crowd, people clinking steins and singing old Irish songs, and of course excellent beer. I mean I am sure word has spread about this event, right? Everyone who is anyone will be there.

However this was not the case.

I got there at 4 (opening time) and there were about 15 people in the entire place. I was clumsily directed to the back room where the Randall beers were being served. Around the front of the line, there were about 8 ‘dudes’, all in black hoodies, tatted up, and long beards, representing various microbrews who had zero interest in selling their product to people like me and just wanted to chat about how stupid everyone in the world is but themselves.

Eh, so what. Welcome to Cap Hill; Hipsters Paradise. I can deal with that. But what I could not deal with was the beer.

Twelve samplers, all Randall style, but 7, count ‘em, 7 beers were pale ales or pilsners. What the hell?!?!?! The most bland, generic style of beer you can find is represented by over half? BOOOOOO!!!!

I just don’t get this idea that when it’s spring or summer, dark beers are not on tap. Granted, the PNW loves their hops and their IPAs, but c’mon. There needs to be diversity. This lineup was as homogeneous as the Republican National Convention. It’s like all these hipster brewers did was peed in a vat, threw a few orange peels in there, and served it up to me.

So disappointed. I felt it was 1997 all over again; all geeked up to see Phantom Menace only to have Jar Jar fart in my face while George Lucas stole my money.

But I’ll probably go back next year, I mean I did see Phantom Menace twice in the theaters and bought it (never said I was a smart man). However let this be a lesson to all; temper your expectations. Just assume all things are garbage….then you may find some satisfaction when you least expect it.