These Are the People in Your Neighborhood: Part II

This is part 2 of a 78 part series that explains the various type of people that live in Seattle.

Part II: The Urban Camper

Found on many streets in Seattle, the urban camper is a cultural phenomenon in the Pacific Northwest. The urban camper, or ‘urbana campanus’, is easily identifiable by their unwashed dreadlocks, unkempt dog, hemp attire, bottles of urine, rancid stench, white skin, able but lazy body, and a strong sense of privilege. Many times this species can be found on street corners and highway medians, using manipulative signs that say such things as ‘I love you, please help’ or ‘Jesus is God, now give me some money for dope’ to motivate guilt-ridden travelers out of their change. The urban camper lives in such places as under overpasses and government safe spots like ‘Tent City’. Favorite holiday: May-Day. The range of ages of an urban camper is 20-27. Side note: more commonly found in Portland; the land where young people go to retire.

First off, don’t call me an ass because I am not feeling sorry for these guys. Please save your sympathy for others that deserve it more. These turkeys are simply young people who want to be anti-establishment. Yet for being so embedded in the counter-culture, they are very willing to take the money you earned at the job that is probably very establishment. This lifestyle is a choice, not a forced situation.

But what really grinds my gears is these guys get to live in high rent areas rent free! We regular people, people who work and follow the norms of society, have to pay about $2000 a month to live in these desirable areas. Yet the urban camper has the city designate them areas (ie: Tent Cities) where they can pitch their tents, beg for change, live with other like-minded individuals, and relax… free! Sure they don’t have a shower, a toilet, or any regular amenities, but it is still free.

I really want to meet the mayors of these Tent Cities and see how they negotiated this deal with the local government. In fact I want them to negotiate my next contract because apparently these guys can sell snow to an Eskimo. I mean the urban camper does nothing to help out society; they freeload, pee all over the place, stink up a 5 ft radius, and complain about the world not giving them enough.

Complain?!?! You have the audacity to complain? That is my job!