USA! USA!: A True Reflection of Oneself

It’s ‘America Week’ at the Spew! To celebrate the birth of our country, this week is dedicated to what I like to call ‘The Greatest Country in the World! Or at least top 5 percentile…’

For those who say this dedication is a week late, I say ‘I didn’t know there was a time limit for loving my country, dammit!!’ So shut up and read on……

Before I moved to Seattle, I had an image that the entire population would be full of erudite and aloof people that all had money and voted blue. Sort of like a modern day limousine liberal but with a eco-twist.

This is not true at all.

Sure, Seattle is a progressive city that champion such causes as gay marriage and gun control. But there is a lot of big business here, which means there are a lot of tax breaks to attract such industries, and that is sort of a conservative idea. Also people here hate to be taxed, but that may be just an American thing.

Anyway, Seattle is diverse in it’s population, just like America. So here is the cross section of Seattle, and I think you will agree that this city has all the ingredients that make up the eclectic stew I like to call…..America.

White Trash Rednecks-Renton/Des Moines

They say Seattle is the most literate city in the union. I am not sure what that exactly means, I mean we all can read now, it is not like the 14th century. But if it has something to do with college degrees or whatever, well south Seattle does not indicate this. But every city has their share of gun-loving, air show-going, jort wearing, NASCAR fans who will vote for Trump. Yes, Seattle has this element.

Absurdly Rich People-Medina

This is where Bill Gates and the founder of west coast JBT dwell. Seattle has many of these types of people who capitalized on the Capitalist system; the infamous 1% of America who control 99% of the wealth. Although there is some benevolence in our rich guys, I bet they would never vote for Bernie Sanders.

Young Idealists with No Clue on How the World Works-Capital Hill

Ah, to be young. To care about causes such as animal torture and the environment. Don’t worry, the weight of reality will soon crush their motivation, but for the meantime they exist in Seattle like an annoying gnat; a lifespan of about 3 days but feels like an eternity.

Poor Minorties-Federal Way

There is a lot of money in Seattle, and much of it is white. But there are some poor minorities as well, and they live near Martin Luther King Way (watch Chris Rock’s take on that, he is eerily correct). Even though this area has a bad reputation, this is where most of the NBA talent comes from in the PNW.

Boring White Suburbs-North Seattle/Bellevue

Yawn. There is plenty of areas in Seattle to buy a cookie-cutter home, have your 2.5 kids, talk about schools with your equally self-centered neighbors, and plant an American flag in front to show off your patriotism.

Young Nerdy Go-Getters-South Lake Union

This is where Amazon is. Nuff said.

Lazy Laid Back Type B Personalities-West Seattle

There is a beach in this area, and it attracts all the Jimmy Buffet types to lay around and be completely ignorant of the world’s issues. Hell, they don’t even think about the impending tsunami/earthquake/volcano eruption that will total their RV.

Old People-Select Areas

Old people, or as they like to think of themselves ‘the founders of Seattle’ hide in dilapidated homes across the city. They always complain about how the city is changing and how much better the good ole days where when they were young assholes annoying the previous old generation.

In sum, I think that is a fair representation of all the subgroups of America, and it is located right in my home city. Aren’t I so lucky?