Pomp and Silliness

College tuition is going through the roof! As of 2016, the average public school tuition is $24k and the average private school tuition is $32k. And don’t even ask about Ivy League schools….ok I’ll tell you…..$55k. That is a lot of money to pay for sending a kid to sexually experiment and major in Art History.

I mean who really uses their undergrad degree anyway? Don’t we all change our majors about 3 times, get out in the work force, and do something completely outside that area?

So what to do……

Trump U

No, no, that’s not me swearing at you. That’s the elite training program for students who want to major in awesomeness. For the small sum of $1500 to $35000 per class, you were allowed to entire the hallowed halls of Trump U, become a ‘Fighin’ Trump’, and take courses like ‘Hustle 101’, ‘Intro to Yelling at People’, ‘The Bait and Switch Seminar’, ‘How to Hide Your Bald Head Master’s Course’, etc.

Here are a list of your professors:

Professor Frink

  • Head of the Mathematics Department

  • Specializes in ‘Cooking the Books’

Professor Vivian Banks

  • Head of the African American Studies

  • Note: Department defunct after the first day

Professor Jonathan Katz

  • Head of Psychology

  • Officially diagnosed Trump as insane in 2007

Professor Henry Higgins

  • Head of Women’s Studies

  • Expertise in berating women and destroying confidence, only to build them up in his own image

Professor Indiana Jones

  • Head of Archaeology/Being Awesome

  • Main research centers around searching for archaic ideas to hold back American technology, eg: bringing back the coal industry

Professor Peter Venkman

  • Head of Paranormal Activity Research

  • Just busts ghosts

Professor Dr. Octopus

  • Head of Animal Studies

  • Plotting to stop Spiderman

Professor Owl

  • Head of Candy

  • Just one smart fuckin’ bird

This team of educators (along with some real estate charlatans) make up Trump U; a proud for-profit institute with it’s sole focus on the student. In fact Trump U is so prestigious, it does not even need to be ‘accredited’ or have ‘transferable college credits’. Who needs that stuff when everything is self-contained within the barriers of this mansion of knowledge.


Wait…… it’s gone? You mean it lasted only from 2005-2010? Not even enough time to build that solid rivalry with Richard Branson Tech.

Well, hmmmm…….

Have you ever tried Trump Steaks?