USA! USA!: In My Travels

It’s ‘America Week’ at the Spew! To celebrate the birth of our country, this week is dedicated to what I like to call ‘The Greatest Country in the World! Or at least in the top 25 percentile…’

For those who say this dedication is a week late, I say ‘I didn’t know there was a time limit for loving my country, dammit!!’ So shut up and read on……

I like to think of myself as worldly. I mean I have eaten at such international places like Panda Express, Yokohama Rice Bowl, and Del Taco (which translates to ‘of the taco’), I have seen many movies where the hero travels to different parts of the world, and I used to own a globe.

So I can without reservation that the good ole U.S of A is the best place in the world.

But what makes America so great to me?

Well, first off America has great TV shows. Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Firefly (which is getting a reboot!), is just a simple taste of the quality programming America produces. Heck, we send our retread garbage to other countries and they eat it up. If you don’t believe that, explain Baywatch!

Secondly, no other country in the world plays football the correct way. And yes, I mean proper football; the one where you tackle people and really doesn’t involve the ‘foot’ beyond running.

Finally, where else can you just walk down the street and indulge yourself in the saltiest, fattiest, most delicious food for under $5? Well, besides Canada.

Sure, we don’t have national healthcare, we have 40% of the population willing to vote for a bizarre incestual fake rich guy, our national anthem is really a strange song both tonally and lyrically, and we are the home of Michael Bay. But as far as this guy is concerned, the USA is AOK!