You Are Not My Peer

So tomorrow I have jury duty.


Who knows how this will go. I have a feeling I’ll be in a room for about 6 hours, waiting for a call I will never get. Another reasonable possibility is that they usher you into a bevy of courtrooms, ask a few questions, and realize they don’t want you.

Regardless, this is promising to be a lackluster experience.

Part of me wants this to be over with quickly. I mean the entire logic of the jury system is silly. The whole idea is to pick 12 people that know nothing about the case (and if it is high profile, it means they live in a cave and are probably stupid), and most likely know very little about law (and many times, the more you know about the law, the less likely you are to be chosen), that are in charge of deciding something that involves….well….the law and thinking logically. I mean look at who ends up on juries? Old people, people without jobs, and others that are too stupid to get out of it. This is tantamount to going to a doctor about possible heart surgery, the doctor pulls in 12 people who know nothing about medicine, and they decide your fate. What other important process is based on the idea that you want less expertise?

Also, I just don’t want my daily rituals to be disrupted with this.

But I have to admit there is a part that would like to be chosen for a jury. Other than it could be a great party story, I would be absolutely great at this. I mean what other possible juror’s resume would have these such things:

  • Seen every Law and Order ever made at least 3 times

  • Watch hours upon hours of Monk marathons each weekend on WE and Hallmark

  • Listen to 5 different true crime podcasts every week

  • Dateline is one of my favorite background shows

I feel like handing out this impressive resume to each and every lawyer; how can they deny this level of insight into criminal law? In fact, I would even expect to be called tot he stand as an expert witness; I may bring some charts and graphs just in case.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I won’t be selected, regardless if I introduce my extensive CV or if if I play dumb to get selected. It will probably be a day of me waiting in a room, never getting called, and being mad about this wasted time.

Isn’t that the foundation of our jury system?