Life is Not Seafair

There is thing in Seattle called Seafair.

I have no idea what it is.

But apparently it was going on this past weekend.

I found this out via the local news. There are hydroboat races (yeah, apparently that is a thing), cookouts at the parks, and the Blue Angels come and do their stupid shit. So in other words, a real holiday for white trash folks to eat up.

Now I am not that naive to the ways and traditions of Seattle. I remember this thing happening every year I have lived here. But I still don’t really know what, or even when it is.

For example, around late May there was a pirate parade in my area. Yes, a parade filled with people dressed as pirates. This exhibition was apparently symbolic of the start of Seafair. Or at least that is what they said on the news. Two months into Seafair….nothing. I hear absolutely nothing about this fair of the sea. It was like the pirate parade was all done in vain. Then yesterday, HYDOBOATS!!!!! WTF??!?!?!

The weirdest thing is that people I know from here asked me multiple times ‘hey, did you go to Seafair?’. It was like they knew the exact time of Seafair, the exact location of Seafair, and understand the exact importance Seafair has to the greater Seattle community. There must be some dog whistle that only native Seattleites hear signifying the arrival of Seafair; calling them to convene at some lake to watch boats with fans race as jets almost crash into each other.

I talked to some other people; the non-natives as I like to call them, and they agree. There is really no underlying reason for this fair. There is no celebration, there is no selling of wares, there is no organization. It just happens. I’ve even tried looking this thing up on the interwebs, and there is no information about it. Maybe I’ll have to dive into the dark web for this one.

Anyway, I have no clue when the next iteration of Seafair occurs. I have been told that yesterday was the final day of the season-long festivities. But that doesn’t mean much to me, seeing that I was unaware of ANY festivities going on. Maybe it will come back next month? Maybe next season? Maybe never and all of this was a dream? All I know is that Seafair is just like the Spanish Inquisition to me; I never expect it.