Hart Attack

Remember in elementary school that kid who would do anything for attention? He would sniff glue, fart in class, eat mud, say stupid things like ‘boner’ and ‘balls’, etc, anything to get a laugh? Well, remember that kid, who probably had parents that (rightfully) ignored him and just begged you for some attention?

Well, apparently you can parlay that into an acting career that involves you in just about every single shitty comedy made in the past 3 years.

Kevin Hart is not funny, although he tries really really really really really hard to be. He mugs for the camera, runs around like a idiot, over-reacts to everything that happens around him, just pleading for you to crack a smile.

The problem is too many people are enabling this jackass and laughing at him.

In the last 3 years, Kevin Hart has been in 10 feature films (most opening in February, the time when Hollywood takes out the trash), starring as the lead in 5 of them. He has even made an original and sequel in that time: the ‘Ride Along’ saga. And in each of these films, he plays the same foolish annoying bug-eyed idiot who just can’t seem to handle the events that are currently happening in his life. He is also a 2-time MVP of the NBA Celebrity Game, which just means he shoots it all the time and mugs for the camera.

I don’t hate the guy. I mean he not offensive, seems friendly, and he is tiny enough to stick in your pocket. But the simple fact is he does not make me laugh. At all. He just comes off as needy and attention-deprived to me. He is sort of like a modern-day Jerry Lewis; always has to be the center of attention. Maybe when America finally experiences Kevin Hart fatigue, he will have a second home in France.

Anyway, there are three guarantees in life:

  • Death

  • Taxes

  • I will never see Central Intelligence