Nobody Beats the Wiz

One thing I try to do here on the Spew is tackle the tough issues. This is a bold and unafraid blog that may say some things people don’t like, but that is what you get with this type of unapologetic and honest posts presented on a consistent basis.

But today in this article I am addressing one of the most delicate, difficult, and controversial topics I ever have broached:

Who would win in a Mexican stand-off between Gandalf, Yoda, and Dumbledore?

Wow, what a question huh? I have bounced this poser off of people for years and there is still no consensus. But before the Spew offer it’s official endorsement, here are the pros and cons for each combatant:

Gandalf (we will go with Gandalf the White)


  • Can wield both a sword and staff, so can fight using awesome warrior-like moves and super-powerful magic

  • Is wise beyond his years, and he is 2,019 years old

  • Has a strong record of kills, including the Balrog of Moria (an ancient agent of evil for Morgoth, Sauron’s boss)

  • Is one of the Maiar; a secondary god who took the form of Ian McKellen; considered the wisest of all the Maiar


  • Smokes too much of pipeweed

  • Magic mostly not meant to combat foes

  • Had serious issues with the Witch-King of Angmar; probably goes down as a loss

  • Known to be quite crabby and moody, sometimes even arrives late for engagements (despite never recognizing this fact)



  • Has a light saber; by far the most powerful weapon in this battle

  • Known to have the greatest knowledge of the Force in the Star Wars Universe

  • The Force is a ‘magic’ that is highly combative

  • Fighting style is very athletic; the way he flips around is pretty cool


  • Very small in stature

  • The Force he mastered is mostly passive and not aggressive

  • Has a small track record of kills; in fact didn’t finish the deal versus both Count Dooku and Emperor Palpatine

  • Quite possibly a puppet



  • His magic is aggressive; can shoot laser-like spells out of his wand that have serious consequences if landed

  • Can transport and escape with ease

  • Considered the greatest wizard of his time, after defeating Gellert Grindelwald (his possible lover)

  • Sort of a douche on how he handled his brother and sister; that kind of selfish, devil-may-care attitude may give him an edge in combat versus more ‘virtuous’ foes


  • Has a big fat zero on his killer track record (even OJ has 2)

  • Big issues with Tom Riddle, could not defeat him when given the chance

  • Weakest hand-to-hand weapon

  • Sort of a rip-off of Gandalf

And the winner is………

Gandalf the White

The Spew officially endorses Gandalf the White in this epic battle. The main issue I had with Yoda is that the Force is not as powerful of magic in Star Wars as the magic in Middle Earth and the Harry Potter world. Yes, Yoda can lift and throw heavy things, but he doesn’t harness Force powers that are meant to attack. I issue I had with Dumbledore is that he never killed anyone, he just seemed to throw spells around to no avail. Dumbledore also was ultra-passive in his plan to topple Voldemort; he let himself die. Die? What kind of plan is that; your most powerful player in the game offs himself?

Gandalf has a strong track record of kills, has the best win over a foe in the Balrog, has a diverse way of attacking using both sword and staff, and the fact he is basically a god puts him over the top in this melee. Yes he couldn’t overpower the Witch-King, but all of these guys have stubbed their toe against an enemy at one time.

Gandalf is truly the OW (Original Wizard) and the inspiration for the creation of these other two characters. How can you not endorse Gandalf?