Football Week: I Do Not Care About Your Fantasy Football Team

It is coming… is coming……it is almost here!!!! The NFL is starting up once again and I cannot be happier. So the Spew is engaging in a week-long celebration of all things football.

I do not care about your Fantasy Football team.

I cannot stress this enough.

I feel like everyone plays this thing; it has invaded our pop culture like a rat in a cheese factory. And not only does everyone play, but everyone tells me about their shitty made-up team that no one else in the world cares about.

Fantasy Football is like children; no one cares about yours more than you. So stop telling me about it.

You will never find me telling you about my team, the Phightin’ Phrodos. Nor will you ever hear me chat about the long and storied history of said Phrodos and how they have become the darlings of America and well as Hobbiton.

No sir. I will never prattle on about this year how I drafted Todd Gurley and Ryan Mathews, registering the strongest RB duo in my FF league of 12 teams. Oh no, never will you have to endure the blather of how I snuck Tom Brady on my team late in the draft and have Matt Ryan as a back-up; a high quality back-up for sure.

Never never never! Never will I wax poetically about the receivers I cleverly drafted; always draft a known WR early but always sneak in a rookie or two late because rookies can shine at the wide out spot. You will never hear that kind of rhetoric from me.

Even if you ask me about what I think about my back-up TE Jason Witten or my philosophy on how to handle a defense, I will not share. No way. Fantasy Football stuff is just self-gratifying and stupid. I don’t partake in such conversations.

So I will never, never, never, never, post about my Fantasy Football team; the mighty yet lovable Phightin’ Phrodos. That is my promise to you.