In Defense of: Star Wars ep 1-3

This is the 1st installment of a 5,257 part series on the Spew: ‘In Defense of:’. This series is meant to defend the helpless, the meek, and the bullied in our pop culture.

Before I get started, let me make myself clear that I think…no…I know that Star Wars ep 4-6 were waaaay better than ep 1-3. In 1-3, I know the dialog was stale, there were too many plot arcs, the acting by Jake Thomas and Hayden was hard to watch, the idea of midichlorines is as stupid of an idea as Snuggies for dogs (which by the way is a real thing), and Jar Jar is the failed abortion of the entire Star Wars universe.

But they were not that bad. In fact, I liked them and respected them much more than ep 7.

Blasphemy!!! I know. But let me explain.

1. Episodes 1-3 had imagination

Yes, there were a lot of CGI stuff floating around; almost too much for our eyes to fully internalize. But the ideas of these new planets and aliens were pretty cool. Naboo=paradise planet. Mustafar=lava planet. Geonosis=rocky planet. Kamino=water planet. Coruscant=city planet. These fit in quite well with the other Star Wars worlds.

Episode 7…well…we are back on Tatooine, for the nth time. No new planets. No new aliens. No new weaponry. Other than an orange Yoda, there were nothing I haven’t seen before.

2. Episodes 1-3 had novel plot arcs

The rise of the Emperor, the shift of Anikan from a good guy to bad, the back story of the Jedi counsel, all of that was sort of interesting. Was it done perfectly? Oh no. Again, the dialog and acting was stale and there was too much going on. But there was interesting and new plots being developed.

Episode 7 was an almost exact remake of A New Hope. They start on Tatooine with an older robed sage hiding plans in a droid. There was an orphaned future Jedi who did not know of her powers. The bad guy was dressed in black. Hell, there was even another Death Star. Again? This idea failed twice already. What the hell are the Sith up to? Their brand loyalty to this Death Star idea is like Wil-E Coyote’s bound faith to Acme products.

3. The fight scenes in ep 1-3 were great

Don’t tell me Darth Maul didn’t kick ass. That fight scene vs Qui-Gonn and Obi-Wan was epic. Don’t tell me you didn’t shiver a bit when Yoda pulled out that lightsaber in ep 2. And the fight between Ani/Obi-Wan and Yoda/Sidious was pretty…pretty….pretty… good.

The fight scene is ep 7 was so stupid it almost ruins the franchise for me. Other than the fact the most opportune earthquake in history happened to save Ren’s bacon, why in the hell can Rey beat Ren with literally zero Jedi training? This idea defeats the whole purpose of ep 4-6 and 1-3. The entire series is based on the fact that you find a Jedi prospect, you train them through a series of movies, and at the end they can fight. Apparently this is not the case. Rey gets to do whatever she wants with no training at all, cheapening the entire series and belittling all professional Jedi from the past, present, and future.

So there you go, three pretty awesome defenses of ep 1-3. I know they are not the best movies ever or anything. But I think we tend to love to hate things because…well…it makes us look smart and cool. Easy to bully the bullied.

Well no more!!! Episodes 1-3, although not masterpieces, are an integral part of the Star Wars universe and if you are a true fan, you will at least embrace them to some degree.

Except Jar Jar. He was the worst.