It's Not Easy Being Green

Over the long weekend I caught the middle of ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ on TNT. Yes, I know, the last thing I need to watch is a Star Wars movie again for the 30th+ time. But I needed some relief from the god-awful offensive line showing by the Hawks on Sunday. So shut up and deal with it!

Anyway, it occurred to me that….well….Yoda is sort of a jerk.

Yes, I said it. Yoda, the Grand Pooba of Jedi Masters, the venerable little green guy that everyone unconditionally loves and admires, is sort of a jerk.

So why I would say such a thing? I mean Yoda was instrumental to the fall of the Empire and the re-introduction of the Jedi and Force into the universe. Well, let’s take a look at some examples:

  • When Luke first lands on Dagobah in search of Yoda, Luke did not know what Yoda looked like. So when Luke lands on this huge planet, he had no reason to believe his first interaction would be with the exact guy he was looking for. Yoda very well knew Luke was coming for a visit, yet when Yoda first crosses paths with Luke, there was no formal introduction or a shaking of hands. No. Remember what Yoda did? He went scurrying through Luke’s stuff, grabbing his flashlight and trying to eat Luke’s power bar. Who in the hell does that? Luke had every reason to not only believe this guy was no Jedi Master, but that he was an utter pest. Who wants some little green stranger going through your things? Later, Yoda uses the fact that Luke didn’t think Yoda was a Jedi based on Yoda’s size, like Luke was some sort of bigot. Well, shit! Of course Luke is not going to assume Yoda is a Jedi. Yes, maybe we should not always judge someone on size, but acting like a damn fool and going through your stuff is not the behavior of any Jedi I know. Yeah, sort of a jerk move.

  • When Luke leaves Dagobah to help his friends out in Bespin, Obi-Wan said Luke was their last hope. But Yoda then references there is another, which later turns out to be Leia. So what this means is that Yoda knew the entire time Leia is Force-sensitive but will not share that information with Obi-Wan for over 20 years. Really Yoda? Seems like relevant information for all to know. Yeah, sort of a jerk move.

  • In episode 1, Yoda was up in arms in refusing to train and 8 year old Anakin because he was too old. Yet in episode 5, Yoda was willing (with some resistance) to train a 24 year old Luke. True, desperate times call for desperate measures, but if Yoda was more involved in the development of Anakin, maybe it would not have turned into the shit show we saw happen. Yeah, sort of a jerk move.

  • In episode 3, Anakin was promoted to be on the Jedi High Council yet Yoda completely denies the title of ‘Jedi Master’ for Anakin; something completely unheard of at that time. This angered Anakin to the point where he eventually aided the Emperor in the killing of Mace Windu. Granted, Anakin overreacted, but did Yoda really have to do that? I bet if the tables were turned, a young Yoda would have been just as upset. Yeah, sort of a jerk move.

  • At the end of episode 3, after Yoda virtually lost his battle with the Emperor, Yoda pretty much checked out. He never aided the Rebels, he never attempted to help out Obi-Wan, he didn’t even try to track down the Emperor to prevent him from scraping up Anakin off the lava shores of Mustafar. What did Yoda do? After seeing the birth of Luke and Leia, and after Padme dies, Yoda runs away into his little escape pod, goes into exile, and doesn’t make a peep for over 20 years. Wow, that’s some great leadership Yoda; abandoning everyone at their direst time. You jumped ship faster than a Patriot fan will when Tom Brady retires. And for 20 years? Really? During that time, the dark side of the Force was running all over the universe, planets like Alderaan were being blown to bits, and all you did was eat your stew in your shitty hut on Dagobah. Even when Luke first visited, he was hesitant in helping out at that time. Yeah, sort of a jerk move.

  • Yoda doesn’t speak correctly. His word order is all messed up. I mean he is close to getting it right and is understandable, so this indicates Yoda knows English (or Galactic Basic) plenty well enough to not do that word-order thing. So why do it? It just makes the listening audience have to pause a bit to make sense of things. No reason for this at all, none. Yeah, sort of a jerk move.

So there you go. Yes, Yoda is a great and helpful ally who has unparalleled wisdom and control over the Force. But you know, he is sort of a jerk.