We Are Going to Remake It After All

Have you ever seen a movie where you said to yourself ‘I really wish they remake that film’?

No. Of course not. What a stupid thing to say.

So why do Hollywood execs seem to think this perpetually?

Last week, Disney released a teaser trailer for their live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast, starring Hermione Granger and Matthew from Downton Abbey. This trailer broke the record for views in a day set by Star Wars ep 7 (another remake coincidentally) with 91.9 million views. It’s from the Guardian, so you know it is true.

This summer, a newer, more estrogen-driven version of Ghostbusters will be released. I also learned last week some Hollywood hack is planning on remaking Memento. Memento? WTF?

I don’t get why we feel the need to retell these stories that were well told to begin with. I mean wasn’t the animated version of Beauty and the Beast good enough? I mean it was the only cartoon ever nominated for Best Picture. Wasn’t Ghostbusters awesome with Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and some random Black Guy? Why in the hell remake Memento? Unless you are adding Ewoks to it, there is no need.

I guess Hollywood is running out of ideas. Once the reservoir of comic book story lines fade, what are we left with? Adaptations of pretentious books, ‘oh so clever’ Rom-Coms that involve inane banter, vulgar comedies that just try to shock you, and Kevin Hart. And of course remakes. That’s about it folks.

So really there is no point seeing movies anymore. We have seen every storyline, every special effect, every harebrained scenario, there is to film. I guess it won’t be long until they remake the remake. I just can’t wait for Superman IV.3: the Quest for Peace..Again and Again.