Blame It on Rio: Part I

Finally the Summer Olmpics are here! All the pageantry, all the pomp, all the sewage….

For the next 3 weeks, the Spew will be offering a special Summer Olympics preview and predictions

Part 1

Opening Ceremonies

August 5th is the big opening ceremonies for the XXXI Olympiad. Of course the soccer stuff starts 2 days prior, but forget that, this is the real start!!

Here what to expect:

  • Like most opening ceremonies, there are various themes presented to symbolize the host country’s source of pride. Look for healthy doses of samba music, soccer references, and a salute to the crooked political environment that has been a part of Brazil for as long as it has been a state.

  • There will be a lot of ‘famous’ people from Brazil that will be honored but I will not have heard of any of them because I don’t know anything about Brazil.

  • During the March of Flags Great Britain will insist on walking in the back to avoid possible awkward eye contact with Germany, Greece, Italy, and Ireland.

  • Russia will attempt to capture the Ukraine flag, just because that is just the sort of thing they do

  • Matt Lauer will explode

  • Pele will try light the torch, but before he is successful, Maradona comes running out out of nowhere, steals the torch, announces he is the greatest soccer player ever, and throws the torch into Guanabara Bay

  • Guanabara Bay is lit on fire due to the excess raw sewage. Ironically, this fire cleans out all the poo in the Bay, thus making the water events safe again

  • This act solidifies Maradona as truly the greatest of all time

  • Post-ceremony, all NBC cameras turn off so no one in America can see the abject poverty that surrounds Rio de Janeiro

Sounds exciting huh? Can’t wait for Friday!!!