From Russia with Roids

Ah Russia, when will you ever learn? Always with the PED’s, always with the bribing, always with the cheating. What is it with you guys? Is it an inferiority complex? I mean I know you have been picked on for centuries, you lash out against Finland every so often to make yourself feel better, heck you even tried to take over all of Eastern Europe about 70 years ago, but does any of this really make you feel better bout yourself?

Anyway for those who don’t know, all of Russia’s athletes were banned from Rio, but in a recent decision by the IOC (an agency that makes FIFA look like angels), SOME of the athletes can go. What that means I don’t know. All I know is that the Russian government is not only sanctioning cheating for their athletes, they are really bad at it.

I mean let’s face it, almost all these athletes are using something. Yes, even the American ones as well. It is just the other countries hide it better.

So here is my proposal: let them all use whatever they want.

Why waste our time with testing and suspicion? It is so tiring and non consequential. The illusion of the Olympic athlete being an amateur is so laughable, it has finally been torn down; the only people who believe in that also think pro wrestling is real. The next illusion we should break is the image of the clean athlete.

I am not even saying this as an indictment of their character. I honestly say ‘let them eat cake’….cake filled with human growth hormones.

Granted, these athletes can’t use too aggressively or at any time or else they will be caught. So I want to take this to another level and say use as much as you want whenever you want.

Don’t you want to see how fast a man can really run? I mean really run? Like maybe they can run under 9 second 100m. Or maybe a man can high jump 9 feet. Or maybe a man can jump 35 feet long? Can anyone possibly lift 2000 lbs over their head? Who knows? I guess we already know some of this for women via Flo Jo, but I want to know more.

There is nothing wrong with trying to be your best. If you gave me a choice of two pills; the red one will enhance my skills, my body, and make everyone fear and love me or the blue pill which will just make me feel righteous indignation towards people who swallowed the red one…I am going red.

Wouldn’t you?